When Progress Forgot the Nervous System

Written By Anna Kelly

We didn’t just free women. We taught them to override themselves.

Feminism gave us access.
Votes. Careers. Independence.
But somewhere between breaking glass ceilings and breaking down behind closed doors, we lost the plot.

  • Motherhood became a threat.

  • Care became weakness.

  • Emotional needs? Optional.

And now? We’re watching the slow unravel.

This isn’t about women being weak. It’s about women being taught to suppress the core biological drives that keep them connected, calm, and sane.

Told they can have it all, but given zero tools to hold it all.

They’re high-functioning - but hormonally fried.
They’re emotionally intelligent - but chronically disconnected.
They’re “doing it all”- but slowly going numb.

Let’s get one thing straight - this isn’t anti-feminist. It’s anti-bullshit.

I’m not here to romanticise the 1950s or strip women of choice. I’m a business-owning, vote-casting, financially independent woman. I lead. I earn. I love it.

But I also sit in rooms with women who are completely untethered from themselves.

And I see the truth no one’s saying: Feminism changed the rules, but forgot the body. The nervous system never got the memo.

Here’s what went down:

Feminism told us to be equal by being the same. So we copied male biology—dominance, detachment, constant output. We traded care for currency. Emotion for efficiency. Intuition for productivity.

And no one asked: what does that do to a female nervous system?

Here’s the answer: It burns it out.

Because biologically, women are wired for connection, not combat. Our nervous system doesn't care about your LinkedIn profile.
We’re hormonally primed for bonding, not endless output.
We need estrogen, oxytocin, safety, cycles — not Slack notifications and 5am alarms.

Let’s talk about the cost.

We didn’t just outsource child care. We outsourced care, full stop.
We stopped valuing emotional labour,  then wondered why our relationships flatlined.
We medicated burnout instead of questioning the blueprint.

Women are swallowing SSRIs, carrying shame for craving connection, and feeling like failures for not thriving in systems that were never designed for them.

They’re exhausted from trying to feel like themselves inside a lifestyle that’s completely out of sync with their biology. They are celebrated for independence and doing it all, choosing productivity over community, creating a vicious circle of further disconnect and suppressing their natural instincts. 

They don’t need another planner or productivity hack.They need a nervous system reset. They need permission to come home to themselves.

This isn’t just a “women’s issue.” It’s a family and society crisis.

Feminism dismantled the old script - but forgot to hand us a new one. 

Now, everyone’s improvising. Burnt out. Disconnected. Wondering why the hell life feels so much harder than it should.

Men feel sidelined.
Women feel buried.
And kids? They’re soaking up the confusion. When everyone’s meant to do everything, no one does anything. No one’s throwing the footy, cooking dinner, showing how to connect or contribute. The result? A generation with no roadmap for life, love, or showing up in the world.

We’re all running on fumes. No one knows their place. No one feels safe.

But the truth is: roles regulate. That’s not old-school - it’s behavioural science. Defined roles reduce conflict, increase emotional safety, and support co-regulation. They don’t need to be rigid or retro. But they do need to exist, and they need to make biological sense, not just pass the cultural vibe check.

Client: Sarah, 38 – High-achieving exec, mum of two, emotionally exhausted

The Situation:

  • From the outside, Sarah had it all - career, kids, a partner, a gym routine.

  • Inside? She was done.

  • Burnt out. Disconnected. No sex drive. Constant guilt. Resentful at home, numb at work.

  • She wasn’t broken - just overloaded and running on a blueprint that didn’t match her biology.

The Work:

  • We stripped away the “shoulds.”

  • Got honest about the emotional toll of pretending she didn’t need support.

  • Rebuilt her lifestyle around nervous system safety, not performance.

  • Created structure in her relationship so she wasn’t carrying it all alone and was clear in the roles they both held.

  • Addressed the hormonal crash, the shame, and the silence. 

The Shift:

  • She didn’t quit her life. She reclaimed it.

  • Less proving. More presence.

  • More connection. Less resentment.

  • She came back to herself and stopped apologising for what she needed to function.

Feminism needs a Version 2.0

We don’t need to become men to be powerful.
We need a model that actually works with the female body and brain.

That means:

  • Valuing maternal power - not just hustle culture

  • Making space for emotional depth - not just rational “mindset” tricks

  • Embracing cycles and rest - not just grind and growth

  • Honouring family—not treating it like a career-killer

  • Prioritising bonding, because no amount of independence replaces feeling held

You can’t outsource connection.
You can’t override your hormones forever.
You don’t have to amputate your emotional self to be taken seriously.

Until then… This Is Your Permission Slip to Opt Back In

You can be powerful and crave softness
You can lead and crave connection

Stop apologising for wanting what your nervous system needs to survive. Change the narrative back to what YOU want for your “having it all”.

Being “boringly reliable” - how to find magic in what and who we have.

WANT TO KNOW MORE?

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Ready to ditch the cultural conditioning and get real for what works for you?
 Book a Life Audit at PSS.


Because you weren’t built to live disconnected.

Anna Kelly
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The Great Family Ghosting: Why We're Raising a Generation That Can't Handle Hard Conversations